Breakfast of Champions…

It may be time to grocery shop. Formulating breakfast today was akin to a journey to Mount Doom. First, I could not have cereal, because there were no bananas, and without fruit, cereal is of course unacceptable. I tried to take inventory of what I had in the house to put something decent together. I rejoiced over my cleverness when I devised a plan to have Nutella (left over from our Christmas 'treat' food) with natural peanut butter on whole grain bread. At least this would include some protein, healthy fat, and whole grains. I put my plan into action, and upon seeking the aforementioned bread, I found that it was now extinct in the ecosystem of our pantry. I then wondered how my husband had made lunch for the girls (something he was in charge of last night), which added to my mounting anxiety. Refusing to give up, I determinedly searched the pantry and found some multi-grain French bread. If I could cut it in half and toast it, it would work just fine, although the whole grain aspect of my meal would suffer. I placed the bread on a plate, grabbed a knife, and proceeded to drop the knife on my finger and lose a chunk of the bread, hurting myself in the process. Pressing forward with no surrender, I sliced the bread with purposeful focus and attempted to fit it into the toaster. This was nothing short of an epic fail. I returned to the dangerous cutting process and shortened the bread. I stuffed it violently into the toaster, refusing to admit defeat, and despite my attempt at denial, I almost immediately smelled the inevitable burning of the abused and angry bread. I had to unplug the toaster and surgically remove the bread to avoid burning down the house. Then I had to rummage through the kitchen to find the bigger toaster, which I attempted to lift out of the drawer with one hand, while in a fit of inconvenient obsessive compulsive disorder, I attempted to keep the other hand sterile and ready to handle food . I plugged it in and successfully toasted the bread, prematurely celebrating my victory. My triumph was hilariously exterminated when I went to the pantry to pull out the Nutella, which was empty. SERIOUSLY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? I think I can hear hysterical laughing in the cosmos….